I Wanna be Skinny
by Alltheabove
Summary: I poke the bottom of my leg and watch the fat jiggle. Semma.
1. Chapter 1

"**I wanna be skinny" I say to Manny while looking at my reflection in the mirror. "Are you kidding me Em, your skinny already" she says while rolling her eyes. "No, I'm just I'm so fat Manny" I say with a chuckle. "Stop it! You are not fat!" her smile deflates knowing that her best friend is thinking that she is fat. And I am I weigh a flippin' 118 lbs. They can say it's because I'm so tall all they want, but inside, in their mind I know that they know that it's because I have so much fat. I poke the bottom of my leg and watch the fat jiggle.**

**Manny: Am I going to have to take down that mirror?**

**Emma: Ugh. No…**

**I walk away from the mirror and flop down on my bed.**

**Manny: Good, because I like that mirror.**

**I look over at her; she's reading a magazine, the new one she got in the mailbox earlier today. It's all about fashion and glamour. Something I don't like as much as her, she's like obsessed I believe one day she'll open her own clothing line or something fancy like that. Now as for my dreams, I dream of one day becoming a physical therapist. Yeah that's nothing compared to what Manny is going to become but oh well, it's at least something.**

_It's not over tonight  
Just give me one more chance to make it right  
I may not make it through the night__-_

**Emma: Hello**

**Sean: Hey, I was thinking maybe you and I could go to the dot tonight?**

**Emma: I'm not that hungry, but okay.**

**Sean: And then after, maybe watch a movie, you're choice.**

**Emma: Sounds good to me, see you at the dot at say 10?**

**Sean: 30 minutes, that's good. See ya then.**

**Emma: Love you**

**Sean: Love you too.**

**I hang up and go into the bathroom, brush my teeth and touch up my hair. I decide to wear my deep pink and white striped tank top with my black warm-up pants. Then I add a little dab of eye shadow and slip my tennis shoes on.**

**Manny: What time will you be back?**

**Emma: Umm, give me 'til 11:30. I'll have my cell phone if you need me.**

**Manny: Okay**

**I grab my cell phone and climb out the window.**

**OK a short 1****st**** post, but the next one should be longer. I can't guarantee when I will put up another post but I will as soon as I can. Some things you might need to know about Emma: She is a cheerleader, and gymnast. Dating Sean (obviously). She has never had an eating disorder. Manny, Sean and Emma are all in grade 11, currently on winter break. If there's anything else I'll let ya know. R&R please.**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I am using American money because I for one really don't have that much of a clue about Canadian money except for I think there's more coins? Isn't the 1's a coin? Oh well just remember this. AND the movie will be playing at Emma's house, not a theater; I forgot to mention that in the first part. Thanks for the reviews. Um I will use dialogue in quotes now. Sorry I didn't do that in the first post. So sorry. And I'm sorry if it isn't all that good I'm not a big writer it's just something I do when I'm bored or just fill like it.

"**I wanna be skinny" An Emma Nelson Story: Part 2**

**I walk into the dot seeing Sean sitting in the corner booth; I walk over to him and slide into the spot next to him, and kiss him on the cheek when I get settled. "Hello to you too" he says as Spinner walks over to us. "What can I get you guys?" Sean takes his order, "I'll take some French fries and a bottle of water" Spinner writes this down and looks in my direction, "Umm just water". He writes on his little note pad and looks back up "It'll be just a few" and walks away. "Are you sure you're not hungry?" he asks me. "Yea, positive" I say with a simple nod. Deep down I know that I'm hungry but this is the start of my 'diet' and it's going to work, hopefully. Spinner comes back over with the fries and the two bottles of water. He hands one to me and one to Sean after sitting the fries down on the table. I watch as Sean adds some salt to the French fries and take a bite.**

**We walk into the movie renting place hand in hand. I immediately run over to my all time favorite movie. "Oh Sean we have to get this one!" He rolls his eyes and says, "Alright" I pick up the DVD's case and take it over to counter, I hand the case over and the man looks through a big thing of movies. He picks out the movie, "That'll be 7.00" Sean lays a crisp 10 and the worker lays the movie on the counter in exchange. He gives us back 3 dollars and I pick up the movie, with a big smile across my face. I grab Sean's hand and practically pull him out of the building. "In a hurry?" "Just a little" I yell. He pulls me back with a little yank and wraps his arms around my waist, "You've seen that movie what, 30 times? You shouldn't be in a hurry" I giggle, no I shouldn't be in a hurry I've actually probably seen it more than 30 times but I won't tell him that, but it's been a while since I've seen it. I peck him on the lips sweetly and then pull him into a warm hug; it's really cold, I should have thought about putting on two coats. He kisses me on the top of my head and then pulls away, "Com'n it's getting late. And we have to watch this movie!" I smile, kiss him one more time and then lace my hand with his as we head back toward my house.**

**Half way through the movie my eyes start to get heavier, each time I blink. But I'm stick it out, because I am really anxious about watching this movie again. Of course I haven't watched any of it because I have been too caught up in Sean's sweet kisses, most of the time. Right now were just cuddled up on the couch with a blanket thrown across our legs. "Oh some one could have told me you all had Bring it on that's my favorite movie" We both look over at Manny, I smile and she smiles back. "Well I was just coming up to make some tea and check on the time" she looks over at the clock, "Wow it's late never mind tea will have to wait" she walks back down the stairs and into the bedroom we share. The credits start rolling across the screen and I can hardly keep my eyes open. Sean notices and he picks me up and carries me down the stairs, I look over at Manny and see her playing opossum, she may be good at acting but I know her like a book, when Manny Santos wants her tea, she'll get her tea. Sean lays me down on my bed and tucks me in, like a little child. "Night" He says as he gives me a kiss, and then I kiss him just a little bit more wanting to savor the moment. I finally pull away and he smiles at me with that award winning smile. "Good night, I love you" "I love you too" he says and I kiss him one last time, then he heads up the stairs, turning the light off as he goes. As soon as Manny and I know he's gone and out of ear's reach, she flings up, "Finally, I really want my tea" she says laughing just a bit. "Why didn't you get it when you were up there?" I ask not sure why she didn't. "You guys just looked so peaceful and comfy and I just didn't want to be making all that clatter in the kitchen" I smile and she gets up walking up the stairs toward the kitchen. While she's gone I get up quietly and go into the bathroom, I step on the scales to see how much I weigh, you know kinda like the 'before weight' and so I can keep track on how fast it's all working. I mean I know I was 118 but that was a couple weeks ago, I might weigh more now, but not a change, its still 118. I crawl back in bed and drift off to sleep.**


	3. Chapter 3

"**I wanna be skinny" An Emma Nelson Story: Part 3**

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

**I wake to the sound of ****my alarm, and the smell of food filling my nostrils. I hit the off button on the clock and look over toward Manny's bed, nothing, just covers bunched up. I make my bed, and hers to, and then make my way up stairs. "Morning Em, Breakfast is ready" mom says without looking away from the stove, obviously fixing more breakfast because she never thinks they'll be enough. "Actually I think I'm going to get ready, grab a bite at the dot and go somewhere"**

"**Oh where are you going?"**

"**I don't know just somewhere"**

"**Okay"**

**I head back downstairs and take a shower. That takes about 15 minutes and I blow drying and curling my hair. I slip into a green camisole, a pair of grey joggers, matching green socks, and my tennis shoes. I put my hair up in a messy bun, letting the curls hang, and climb out my window.**

**I've been running for an hour, and I really need a drink of water. I didn't think about having anything to drink at the house, before I left. I turn around and head for the bench I saw a couple minutes ago, so I can stop and take a break, maybe get my mind of a big gulp of ice cold water running down my scratchy throat. ****I can see the bench with my eyes and I stare at it until I finally reach it. I sit down and take a deep breath in, and then I let it out slowly. Did I go to the dot? Nope, I'm not hungry; I mean all they really have at the dot is fattening, heck almost everything now a day is fattening. The thought of having a bottle of water slowly floods back into my mind so I think about what all I'm doing to tomorrow, since tomorrow is Saturday I'll have to run to the grocery store so that mom doesn't freak once she notices she's out of potatoes, because the Cameron's always come over and have this little book club thingy on Saturday nights, and they always have baked potatoes as their 'snack'. Then I'll have to go to Cheerleading practice in the school gym. After practice I'll- Wait I can hear a honking noise… it's coming from a car, or a truck, either one. Why is it honking? I can see the … Car getting closer and now I know why, I can recognize that car, its Jay's. I stand up and walk over to the side of the sidewalk and he pulls up beside me, "Hey Greenpeace, need a ride?"**

"**Nope, But I could use a water, got any of them?"**

"**No, I don't drink water"**

"**Should have known"**

"**Are you sure you don't want a ride?"**

"**I'm sure; I'm just out on a run"**

"**Okay, you're loss"**

**He drives away and I start running back toward the direction of the house. Jay may seem like a butt sometimes, but he's really a super sweet guy, who cares about other people.**

**I take a long drink of the ice cold water in my hand, gulping it down. I feel the relief on my throat as it runs down it. I managed to get home without a single drop of water, how I managed that, I have not a clue. But now I can feel the water on my tongue, and then when my mouth fills completely up with water I gulp, making a noise. I put the water back in the fridge and walk down stairs, Manny must have went out, probably on a date with her new beau, I hate that boy. His name's Tony, he looks old and worn out. Manny could do so much better than that. He's a high school drop out and works at a fast food restraint, I mean hello, wake up Manny, he's a piece of crap. I mean Manny practically has every boy at school foaming at the mouth as she walks by, it's crazy! ****Any who, I slip out of my clothes and take another shower, considering I was all sweaty from the run.**

Not really much of anything but, it's something, I guess. It just shows that Emma is exercising, maybe not a humongous amount right now, but yea. You'll see.


	4. Chapter 4

**I wake up before my alarm rings, turning it off after realizing that I can't go back to sleep. I take a quick shower and put on some comfy clothes, gray yoga pants, dark pink tank, and some tennis shoes. I slip a jacket on, put my cell phone in the pocket and grab a few dollars out of mom's purse. When I get inside the grocery store I head straight for the potatoes I grab a bag and lay the bag down on the check-out counter. "Hey Emma" It was Lacy, I always went to her line, she's my friend. She's way older than me but she's really kind and I enjoy talking to her whenever I need it. "Hey" She rings up the potatoes and puts them in a bag, she doesn't have to ask me whether I want a bag or not, because she knows. I hand her the ten dollar bill and she hands me back the correct change. "How are you and Seany boy?" She loves hearing about me and Sean; I'm not sure why she just does. "Were doing great, I think its love" "Oh sweetie you don't think you no. I haven't even met the boy and just by listening to you talk about him, I know its love." I smile, I no she's right, she always is. 'Well I better be getting these back to the house" "Okay I'll see you next week" I walk out the door and head back toward the house. I look at the clock on my phone '6:46' I'm going to be late for practice if I don't hurry. I start jogging and get to the house by '6:53' I lay the potatoes on the counter and run downstairs grabbing a pair of red shorts and a white camisole. On my way out the door I grab Manny and my cheerleading shoes seeing she had left hers, yet again. When I arrive at the gym doors I peak through the window and see Paige already giving them orders. I quietly open the door and she looks over at me, giving me a death glare. Manny runs over towards me and grabs her shoes "Thank you, Thank-you, Thank-you!" I smile showing her she's welcome and run into the locker room. I slip off my clothes and replace them with the practice clothes. As I'm walking out the door I look into the mirror, looking at my appearance. I touch the fat beneath my arm and it flops, I sigh and go back out into the gym.**

**I go into the dot and see Manny and Sean already sitting in the corner booth, since today was 'book club' at the Nelson/Simpson residence we decided to meet at the dot, and hang out. I sat down beside Sean and we shared a peck on the lips, about that time Darcy came over. "Are you ready to order?" Wow Darcy works here? I didn't know that. "Darcy? When did you start working here?" I ask and Manny adds "Yea and why?" Darcy rolls her eyes, "It's punishment I was out to late the other night and the rents told me I needed a job" "Harsh" I reply. Of course she and Spinner had been showing signs of attraction here lately, I wouldn't imagine it being to hard on her. "So are you all ready to order or what?" She laughs. "Yea" Manny and Sean say in unison. Manny orders first, "I'll take a salad and water" Sean came next, "Veggie burger and a Coke" Then it was my turn, what to do now… "Umm, I'll take the same as Manny" Darcy wrote it all down and took the order behind the counter. "What book are they reading now?" Sean asks, trying to make conversation. "Umm, I think The ****Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe**** or at least that's what it was last week" I reply. "Of course they change there book every time you turn around" Manny says while Sean and I shake our heads in agreement. They never can settle on just one book, it's like they get bored with the one that they are currently reading so they pick another. It's crazy; I imagine what it would be like if they were in high school again and had to read one book and write an essay, how did they even get through high school if they can't make it through a book? It makes no sense. Darcy comes back with our food and sits the correct food in front of the person that ordered it and I look down on the salad as it is placed in front of me. I take a sip of water, and take the fork moving the salad around, hoping no one notices. After a while I glance up at Manny who's giving me some kind of look, she knows that I haven't eaten a bite and that I'm not going to. "May I be excused" I don't wait for an answer I just get up and make my way toward the bathroom. Once inside I look at my reflection in the mirror, mirrors can be addictive. I pinch the fat on my cheeks, and then I pinch my arm and the bottom on my leg. I don't think I'm losing any of my fat at all, but it's only been a couple days since I went on this diet, so hopefully it will start working soon. I walk back out into the dining area and see Manny grabbing her purse and Sean scooting out of the booth. I make my way back over to them and smile, Manny gives me another one of those knowing looks but I just shake it off and lace Sean's fingers with mine as we walk out the door of the dot and toward my house.**

**Manny's upstairs talking to mom about mom's night, as I just lay on the bed thinking about everything. I hear the door open upstairs and guess who? My step-dad and he's drunk. I hear them talking, trying to get him upstairs but he doesn't seem to be taking orders, like always. He doesn't ever come to the clubs instead he goes out to some club and drinks it up with his buddies. I don't see why he likes that stuff, I've tried it before, it's gross! "EMMA!" Mom's yelling, I'm going to have to help yet again. I make my way up the stairs and rush up to Snake taking his hand and pulling him up the stairs, I've gotten used to it, I'm the only one in the house that can actually get him upstairs, I'm not even sure it's safe to have him up there but it gets him away from us when he's like that, and that's all that matters. I get him upstairs and sit him down on the bed as usual he slaps me across the face for 'being mean' to him. And the sad part is he doesn't remember anything when he comes back to his senses, he doesn't remember hurting me or anything. And he doesn't care, because in his life all that matters is him. When I get back downstairs in the living room I see Manny and Mom talking again, like everything was normal, I guess they're used to it too. I go downstairs in the basement and crawl in bed, touching my face, it stings a bit but like I said, I'm used to it. I slowly drift off to sleep and in about 20 minutes I'm completely passed out.**

Okay, there's that post. I know I'm not that great of a writer but I get bored and I have to have something to do, and this is just what I do. R&R!


	5. Chapter 5

"I wanna be skinny" An Emma Nelson Story: Part 5

I sit up in my bed and yawn, it's Sunday what to do what to do? Well besides cheerleading practice at 5. I climb out of bed and take my shower a nice long warm shower, I think it might have been the best shower I have had for weeks. When I get out I put on black shorts and a yellow and purple dotted tank top on. Then I straighten my hair and slip on purple knee socks.

I go upstairs and see my step-dad sitting in his recliner holding his head, hangover, it happens every time and he goes through about 3 pain killers every time it happens. I roll my eyes and walk over to where mom is, stirring up a salad. "Hey mom" I kiss her on the cheek. "Good morning sweetie" She doesn't look up from her work, "I'm going to have to go into work here in a few minutes so I figured a salad would do you and Manny over." I don't tell her that I'm not going to eat any of it; I just smile and walk into the living room.

Manny is watching TV, America's Next Top Model, figures. She is so concentrated on the show that she doesn't even feel me sit down beside her on the couch. I wave my hand in front of her face, knowing this HAS to get her attention. "HEY!" she yells, while slapping my hand. I let out a little laugh and let her be, enjoying her TV show.

Not knowing what to do considering everyone else is occupied with there own things I head back downstairs to my room and call up Darcy.

D: Hello?

I'm not really sure why a person with caller ID answers like they have no clue who it is, but oh well.

E: Hey, Darcy, anything going on at your house?

D: No, Mom and Dad are having there annual credit card bill fight. And my sister is on the computer, how about yours?

E: Ahh nothing special.

D: So, Paige tells me we are going to start working on a routine.

E: Joy.

D: Yea, I no.

E: Well, I think I'm going to head off, maybe to the dot. But I'll see you at 5.

D: Okay, have fun.

E: Bye

I hang up waiting a few minutes listening to every little thing happening upstairs. I hear Tyra Banks announcing the eliminations, mom telling Snake that she is leaving for work, and Dad walking into the kitchen getting another pill out of the medicine cabinet. I look at the clock, 3:32. I decide to get out of the house; I don't bother sneaking out of the basement window because mom is gone.

I walk into the mall and head straight for my favorite store, Hollister. I take in the scent of men's cologne and feel a slight burn in my nostrils. I head straight toward a rack of clothes and search through them all. I decide on getting 3 t-shirts, 1 pair of shorts, 2 pairs of jeans, and 1 scarf. I'm surprised I didn't buy a pair of jogging pants, if you haven't noticed there like my weakness; I wear them pretty much every day. The cashier rings me up and I leave the store with my bag and head back toward the house…

I walk in to the sound of silence, it sounds nice. It's not a lot that I get to be in my house and not hear a sound, every time this happens I always take advantage of it, but today I don't have that much time. Its 4:45 and I don't think Paige would like it to much if I was late any more than I already have been. I decide to leave on the clothing I already have on and head out into the chilly winter air and head off to cheerleading practice.

I walk in and see pretty much everyone down on the floor stretching, and talking. I join the group consisting of Manny, Darcy, Paige, Hazel, and Jesse.

Jesse joined Degrassi Community School a couple years back, at first her and I despised each other, but then we decided to surrender and at least be friendly when were around each other. But just for the sake of the cheerleading squad.

As I sat down Paige was whispering something to Darcy and Darcy whispered it to Jesse, Jesse just laughed and looked up at me. "Hey Emma, You look like you've gained a couple of pounds" Do I really? Do I really look like I've gained? I rush into the locker room and step onto the scales, 116, how can I look like I've gained if I've lost? Maybe it's just Jesse being Jesse. I shrug my shoulders, trying to tell myself I don't care when deep down I'm picturing myself in my mind just getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger.

Manny comes into the locker room, "Emma, she didn't mean it. That's just her she's just jealous" I can feel some wetness in the corner of my eye but I just wipe it away quickly and turn on my heel to face her, "No its OK I no. No big deal" "Are you sure Em?" "Yea" I put on a fake smile and walk out the locker room doors and back into the gym, going back over to the group I was joining. After a few seconds Manny came back out of the locker room and walked over to us with a smile on her face as well.

The rest of the day was just kind of a blur. I kind of just sat back and looked at myself in the mirror, sucking my stomach as much as I can, and flipping through magazines looking at all the pretty, skinny people and hoping that one day, I'll be as skinny as one of them.

**Okay so that's part 5 and I took the advice and used regular font instead of bold. And here it is, I was just bored today so I decided to type it up, while working on a Niley story. LOL! I know I'm not a great writer! But like I said before it's just something I can do when I'm bored! 33**


	6. Chapter 6

In this chapter I am going to skip ahead, now break is over and well the rest is just in the story, the majority of this part will be Manny and Emma's IM converstation... So YEA.

* * *

"I Wanna Be Skinny" An Emma Nelson Story: Part 6

I stand at the front of Degrassi Community School, not glad that winter break is over, but happy that I've lost ten pounds! Can you believe it, ten whole pounds in a matter of a few weeks? So now I'm 106 pounds, and it feels really good.

I walk up the steps and into the building, and head straight to my locker. Manny hasn't really been talking to me, I'm not for sure why, but it's really bothering me because we are like sisters, and I don't want our friendship to end.

I open my locker and take out all the books that I need, and as soon as I shut the locker door and lock the lock I hear the warning bell ring. I quickly walk down the hallway and head toward my first hour, Media Immersion, which my step dad teaches.

I step inside the door and see a majority of the class already seated, I see Darcy, Paige, and pretty much all the other cheerleaders on one side of the classroom and I see Manny, and Sean, and a few others that I don't really know sitting on the opposite side.

I take the seat between Manny and Sean and turn my computer on, I look in Manny's direction and see her staring her computer down, tapping her finger on the desk causing a clicking sound to be made, its rather soothing to my ears, it fills them with peace and lets me know there is life, which is weird I know but in some way it makes sense to me.

I sign on to IM and see both Manny and Sean are on, as well as some of the cheerleaders who are sitting on the other side, and some other people that added me. I double click on Manny's screen name, SuperStar99, and type something rather quickly.

BlondiesKeepinItGreen says: Hey, sooooo I'm just a tad bit curious as to why you have been ignoring me?

I watch as she reads the message, maybe two times, I'm not really sure. And then I stare at her fingers as they glide across the keyboard typing in her reply, she stops typing and I look up at my screen, and surprise surprise there was a message waiting for me.

SuperStar99 says: Emma, I think we both know why I have been ignoring you; I mean if it isn't obvious to you, you are clueless.

I think really hard, and ask myself, have I done anything to Manny in these last few days? My head starts to hurt I'm thinking so hard, or maybe it's just because I haven't been feeling very well these past… weeks or something? And I'm all out, I don't have a clue that must mean I AM clueless, how will I ever go on?

BlondiesKeepinItGreen says: Hmm, I must be clueless cuz I can't think of a single thing…

I look over in her direction as she reads the message and watch as she rolls her eyes before typing in a reply.

SuperStar99 says: Emma Nelson, I know what you are doing to yourself! And I am far from mad, I'm furious. You are hurting yourself and if you don't stop I'm going to tell your mother!

This time it's my turn to roll my eyes.

BlondiesKeepinItGreen says: Oh man, I better go run and hide! My mommy might give me a whippin! And what are you talking about?

SuperStar99 says: Rolls eyes… You haven't eaten in god knows how many days! You should see yourself you look like a skeleton in bones.

I roll my eyes, is she serious? This is why she has been ignoring me, I sigh and type.

BlondiesKeepinItGreen says: Puh-lease Manny, I'm fine and I have been eating, thank-you very much! Plus I only have another 20 or so pounds to go.

SuperStar99 says: Oh yea, what all have you eaten?

BlondiesKeepinItGreen says: Just yesterday I had a bag of those 100 calorie packs, AND a pack of crackers AND a piece of mom's veggie lasagna!

All of this is true, except for the lasagna part, I didn't eat it.

SuperStar99 says: Yea, you may have had those other things, but you didn't have any of that lasagna, I saw it in the trash can in our bathroom!

Shoot, maybe I should've hid that in a better place, like outside or something. I'm stuck, what do I say now?

SuperStar99 has signed off…

Well I guess I don't have to say anything, I look in her direction and see her still typing on her computer, she must have blocked me. I sigh deeply but in a really low tone, sign off of IM and actually pay attention to the teacher.

This has been a great day of school… Hey maybe tomorrow Manny will chew me out about my running 3 miles every day.

* * *

Okay, so I realize this story hasn't cut out to be the best it could be and I don't have very many readers, if I have any at all. But I'm going to continue on writing it while I am writing on another story, just to make sure that I don't get burnt out on the other story, so TA TA!


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I'm sorry I didn't do these on my other chapters Anywhoo, I don't own a thing. Unfort…**

2 Months Later…

I slip on my cheerleading uniform, instead of the uniform fitting my every curve the outfit just kind of hangs around my body where I have lost so much wait. But anyways, tonight, or this evening we are getting our pictures taken for our sport. I've already informed Paige that my uniform needs some fixes and she said we were going to work on that tonight, before the big championship basketball game that just so happens to be tomorrow.

I step out of my house and into the fresh air, ahh, I breathe in a big gulp air and a bug flies into my mouth. I start to gag when the bug gets stuck in the middle of my throat. After coughing until my lungs can't take it anymore the bug comes out and so does the water that I have drunken over the past few hours.

I reach the school building soon enough and see everyone else asking others if there makeup looks good or if they have any boogers, or I suppose that's what they are asking as they run around like crazy maniacs.

"Oh Emma!" I hear Paige call from across the room "Come on over here and we will get your uniform fixed" Paige has been acting more friendly toward me, but I don't question why because it's just one less person that I have to deal with that's hating on me.

I walk over to the spot that she is standing in and she points toward the lady standing beside her "Emma, this is Kendra, she is going to fix your outfit" Kendra gives me a warm smile and says "Just follow me" she leads me back into another room and starts gathering loose fabric together and sticking pins in the fabric, while saying things like 'Oh this needs pinned' or 'My goodness this needs took up'.

I take a good look at myself in the mirror and realize how slim my body is, under my eyes are bags, I can't get the makeup to cover them up. The uniform is now hugging my body, but I don't have those curves anymore, I guess this is a good thing.

I walk back out into the other room and they take 3 different pictures of the squad and me.

* * *

Mom pulls the car up to school as I reach for the car door handle; my hand reaches the cold grip and I open the door. When I get out of the car I pull the wedgie out that has formed by my spankies.

I walk into the gymnasium, a great big smile plastered across my face. I spot Paige and the rest of the crew in a big circle. I walk over to where they are and join in on the little group, they are, of course, prepping for 'The Biggest Night of Their Lives' although I thought that was suppose to be senior prom, but maybe not.

The buzzer sounds throughout the gym, echoing off the cement walls. We all move to our spots on the sidelines and start our cheering.

Everything is going great, except for the fact that I'm feeling weak. My body wants to eat and I don't want to, but if I can just make it through this last performance, the biggest one yet, our routine, I promise my stomach I will eat an apple.

The music starts and I stick the motions, the last 30 seconds of the song have arrived, and my body becomes weaker. I feel my body trying to fall but I straighten back up and this technique works until the last 10 seconds of the dance.

I feel my knees give in and soon enough my face makes contact with the hard floor. I feel people rush around me and then everything goes black.

* * *

I can hear a constant beep, beep sound and the room I am in smells to clean, and I can hear people whispering in the background. My eyes barely manage to flutter open as I see bright white walls all around me.

I turn my neck and look over at the familiar people in the room with me, Sean, Manny, and my mom.

"Look, she's awake" Sean yelps as he rushes over to my side and picks up my hand, moving his thumb in a comforting motion on my hand.

My mom comes over to the other side of my bed and takes my other hand in hers "Oh honey, what's wrong with you?" I'm a little out of the zone and I don't understand, yet I can't manage to get anything out of my mouth.

"The doctor diagnosed you with anorexia Emma, why are you doing this to yourself sweetie?" I look up in her eyes and I see pain, the hurt in her eyes makes water come out of mine.

"Sweetheart don't cry I just want to know why?" I shake it all off and tell her, I tell her all about my thinking I'm fat and how I knew I needed to loose weight. Then I told her how I lost all my curves and got bags under my eyes. She took it all pretty well.

The doctor soon came in and told me I would be released from the hospital whenever I was able to show them that I could eat and be able to regain my healthy lifestyle. I just shook my head, and hoped that all goes well.

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**Kind of short, i realize and not my best but i'm trying to get this story over with, because i'm getting kind of bored with it. -D... PLEASE REVIEW!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/n: So these chapters I have been writing for this story have been really short, but I don't feel like anyone is reading, so I don't think it really matters. BUT this story is slowly coming to and end, probably 1 or 2 more chapters and it'll be over. So… yeah. Oh and BTW this is set a little bit in the present as you will read on into the chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING!!**

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A nurse that I now know by name comes in with a tray full of food. She sits it down on the table across my lap and I look at the gunk in disgust. "What's this suppose to be?" I ask, poking the fork into a piece of food. "I'm not so sure, but here I snuck you a PB&J sandwich in hopes that you might actually eat it" I grab the sandwich that she is extending from her hand and pull the food out of the baggy, thinking I might actually be able to eat it. "Thanks" she smiles at me, letting me know that I am welcome "Well, I'll see you later Emma, I have others to tend" she waves goodbye and I reply the gesture. She turns and walks over the door.

Let's see, now that I have been in this dump for a little over a month, I am allowed to walk to the private restroom that my room has, walk up and down the hallways of the hospital, and eat the crappy stuff that they call food, if I can actually manage to get the food to stay down.

I take a bite out of the sandwich and the bread ends up getting stuck in the roof of my mouth, I struggle to get the bread out of its place but I manage to win the fight against the stuck bread. I finish the sandwich and already my stomach feels sick, maybe I shouldn't have ate that much.

I hear the door to my room open and close, and soon Manny and Sean emerge into the room. "Hey guys" Yeah, Manny and I have patched things up, not that we really had anything to patch up; it just took me to realize that Manny only wanted me to stop hurting myself. "Hey Em" Manny says as she takes a seat on one side of the white bed, and Sean takes the seat on the opposite side.

Sean looks down at the tray full of food and his face instantly looks worried "Emma, did you not eat anything?" I roll my eyes and look over at him "Yes silly, I just got done eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich" his tense body relaxes and grabs for my hand, lacing our fingers together.

Manny and Sean tell me about all the rumors that have been circulating around the halls of our school; they are mostly about my being in the hospital. And they tell me what kind of dooseys everyone has been getting themselves into, and about the drama that fills the air.

The minutes turn into a half an hour and the sick feeling in my stomach is growing, I know what's coming. "Hey Sean, can you hand me that bucket?" he looks over and spots the bucket, as soon as I grasp the cold plastic in my hands, the contents of my stomach come splashing into the pail.

"Oh Em, are you okay?" Manny asks with concern all over her face, I shake my head yes. The doctor has already explained to me that this will happen, after I told him I had puked myself a couple few times, he said that where my body doesn't expect to get any food, and when it does get food it's used to me puking it back up, that that was just the way it was going to react now. He said that this could pass, or I could just get worse. Manny and Sean and my mom were all three in the room when he enlightened me of this, so Manny doesn't ask questions, and neither does Sean.

We sit in awkward silence for a few hours with random conversation every now and then and then Manny and Sean announce that they need to leave, because visiting hours are almost over. I look over at the clock and notice that they are telling the truth, I can't wait to get out of this place when there are no visiting hours and TV channels that won't pick up.

We say our goodbyes and they part from my room, leaving me alone looking at the plain white walls.

I roll over in the surprisingly comfortable bed and lay my head on the white pillow. I breathe in some of the air and instantly cough, being here for a whole month and then some has made me slightly depressed, and I have a feeling that I'm going to be here for quite some time.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/n: I want to thank all the people that have read this story, because this IS the last chapter. I would like to dedicate this story to my cousin: Ashley, who is now 23 and living with the long term side affects of an eating disorder she had when she was in High School. This story means alot to me even though it's not that great because i HAVE thought about being to fat and stuff like that ALL the time, but now after writing this story and talking to my cousin about her eating disorder i have changed my views on myself, completely. I hope that people that read this will realize just what can happen when you starve yourself or make yourself purge. Don't give in to peer pressure! Ok i would like to do this whole copy right thing because i had to use a website to make sure i got my info correct, BTW i'm sorry if it isn't all 100 accurate. SO Copyright: **

**Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'. 33**

I wanna be skinny: Part 9

-- 2 years later

I stand in the mirror of my bathroom; the bags still remain under my eyes. My weight is hard to control, one minute I'll be to skinny to function and the next I'll be getting fat.

I wish I could go back to when I was in high school, and hurting myself, and eat like normal instead of purging and not eating enough, because now, my life is a piece of crap to say the least.

Every now and then my body makes me puke up my lunch… or dinner… or breakfast and I most definitely do not like the feeling of it.

I smile and I hate the look, the bags under my eyes get bigger and my teeth are stained.

I put on my clothes, jeans and a tee shirt, and exit my house taking in the smell of the air around me. I sit in the driver's seat of my white BMW and put the key in the slot; I start the car and drive off.

I pull up to the way to familiar school, Degrassi Community School, and park my vehicle in an empty spot. I depart from my vehicle and make my way into the halls of the high school that I once attended.

I hear the bell go off, the bell that I once listened to, and students that are in the hallway chatting it up rush to their classes. I laugh at how much it reminds me of when we went to school here. I walk into the front office and see the same secretary seated behind the desk.

"Hi Emma, hold on just a second and I'll tell Ms. Sinclair you are here" Yeah, I've heard the 'rumors' of Heather Sinclair being the new principal here but I didn't believe it, but now I'm forced to realize that it is in fact true.

The secretary picks up her black phone and dials a number, "Hello, Emma Cameron is here, Yes Ma'm" Yea, that's another one, I'm married to Sean Cameron, I'm not really sure what keeps him, because it sure isn't my looks, but that's okay, as long as he is with me.

"Emma, Ms. Sinclair would like to see you in her office" I nod my head and walk back to the office.

"Hello Ms. Cameron, sit" she points toward a chair, acting all like I'm a kid in her school that's in trouble. I do as I am told and she looks up from a paper she has been writing on.

"We are very happy to have you here today Emma" I get a close look at her face; I think she's had some work done. "I think the kids will enjoy hearing your story, especially since you attended this school, so if you don't mind, please come with me and we'll get this shin dig started" she gives me a warm smile "Yeah, let's do this"

As we are walking out of the office Heather tells the secretary to announce over the intercom that they need to go to the gym. And she keeps on walking, with me right on her heel, as we walk the same path through the hallways that we used to and she hands me a microphone and a chair to sit on.

The gym fills up and the noise of people talking takes over the gym, some pointing at me occurs, probably talking about how bad I look or how they used to know me that I used to go to school here.

"Guys and Girls, this is Emma Nelson, she graduated from here and she is here to talk to you about something that happened in her life, and is still affecting her today"

I talk all about having to stay in the hospital for 2 months, and how it has affected my looks now, etc, etc. And the teens look like they are really getting something out of this, and I'm happy.

After the little ceremony like thing many girls come up to me with tears in their eyes telling me about how they think they aren't skinny enough and I offer helping words, and many tell me that the speech really touched them, and that touched me.

Soon after I leave the school and get into my BMW again, today I don't have to worry about going to work because I took off just to come and give this speech. I transport my way back to Sean and I's house.

When I get in our driveway, I turn the vehicle off and sigh, my life is anything but good.

I go inside and flop down dramatically on the black sofa; I close my eyes and slowly drift off to sleep.

My body starts to shake making my eyes pop open and I see Sean standing above me. I smile when I see his eyes and leans down planting one right on my lips. "I just thought I would wake you up, so you can sleep tonight" I silently thank him by kissing him again. One simple kiss turns into a full on make out session.

Eventually when stop when we are both gasping for air, "You know what would be nice?" I ask. "What?" he asks back, looking over at me "If we had a baby" he changes his look toward me "Emma" I roll my eyes "I know, I know, we can't" That's another bad thing that has come out of my eating disorder. If I got pregnant bad things could happen like a miscarriage or my baby being still born, and Sean and I both agreed that we couldn't handle seeing that happen. More bad things could also happen, like the child being born with birth defects, and Sean said it wouldn't really matter but it would to me because I would know all my life that it was my fault that the child was cursed with something like that. The doctor said I was lucky I could even have children at all because most people with an eating disorder can't. But in the end, we just couldn't handle it with all the possibilities.

So here I am, sad and depressed because my life stinks, all because I chose to not eat in high school. I would do anything to be able and go back and change everything I did to my body. My life would be 110 happier if I could.


End file.
